How the hell can the Olympic committee frown so much on weed and yet put on a show you would have to be high to actually enjoy?
dinner with the girl I motorboated last semester wasn't as awkward as I thought it would be
people who like being in relationships make me feel bad about myself.
Referring to yourself in third person during sex is apparently an instant turn off
Ryan learned the all important lesson tonight; Red Bull gives you wings, Jaeger gives you gravity.
We're at the urgent care down the street from you if you care to stop by
did you know that my friend knows a guy with 3 balls what the actual fuck
We're all just looking at each other quietly, hoping that no one brings up last nights shenanigans.
Go for it! You're young. Have fun. Be somebody's expensive hobby like Anastasia Steele.
Getting free blow from a total stranger, who asked permission to stroke my eyebrows, was the highlight of my evening out. Also, I have a new cuddle dealer.
Have 7 min to kill while I wait for liquor store to open. Feels really awkward.
You told us that you were going to become a 'new man' and threw your tv set out of a window.
I wanna snuggle with you as we feed each other chipotle burrito bowls and that's just where I'm at right now
I woke up only wearing a Breaking Bad "Los Pollos Hermanos" apron he got from Loot Crate next to a 3 empty bottles of Zima,Jolly Ranchers, and a jar of coconut oil. Fernet is one hell of a party starter
just hooked up with a guy ON MY CAMPUS VISIT. god only knows whats gonna happen when im actually a student
Someone threw up pink in the shower, there's a golf cart tipped over on the lawn and Cousin Brian is missing. What could Friday night throw at us?
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