i now understand why he chose to have sex with my friend rather then me after lookin in the mirror this morning. and id do the same thing.
I'm officially my mother.. Smoking in the garage pretending to take the dog out in a big ugly jacket
It's one of those things you just need to see in person at least once in your life. Like Niagara falls or some shit. His ass is the Niagara falls of asses
First memory of my senior year: Going into registration still drunk from last night.
Just had hot animal sex with the guy who had been sending me 10 second selfie snapchats for the past month
My VP dropped me off at the Strip Club in Houston. Just said "I was never here".
just woke up on my patio with a mouse eating cheetos off mys chest. youre all assholes.
i just passed i guy i once let listen to me masterbate on the phone...nyc is not big enough
Oh, I also stabbed a guy Friday and he still asked me out
He drove over an hour to get this shit done. I guess i win the golden vagina award tonight
His dog ate the vibrator. The WHOLE vibrator. We spend the morning after trying to make it vomit up the battery. Why does this always happen to me?
Being an adult can't be all bad. I just took a vacation day solely to sit around and get stoned
This fucking storm better not ruin my sex plans this weekend
I want you to worship my cock.
That's not how you start a conversation.
Idk, I know when I drink vodka my bi side comes out and I just want to make out with a girl
Randomize
