It smells like Drakkar Noir and desperation out here.
That's why you should quit smoking.
We hung out in the bathroom the whole time and talked about sex and watched some girl pee. If you don't believe I was there, check the bathtub for bread crust.
Its like they don't get that I only talk to them before homecoming, thanksgiving, or any other time I go home. I love highschool girls.
I've learned something. I regret way too may Tuesdays in my life to be normal
Thanks for pulling me out of the bed by my feet atleast one of us was sober enough to know I had work at 5 am.
I really just want to stuff him in my purse, take him home, feed him pudding or applesauce and brush his hair. That's not creepy, right?
Like, I just want to be naked rolling around in soft things.
Haha, oh man. I'm awake now. Slept in my headdress.
Don't feel bad sweetie, you're not the only classy one in town. I'm still driving around with that tupperware of tequila in my cup holder from last week's Margarita Monday.
I hope after we constantly bang for 2 days straight we can agree to be friends again
I just want him to come back from NOLA alive, without an arrest record or stripper glitter on his clothes...
Those seems like unreasonable expectations for a bachelor party honestly...
Mom and I are both drunk and walking around the Strip. It's like the hangover but with a lot more bathroom breaks.
Single lady's Saturday night: eat doritos, masturbate, eat more doritos. Do shot of Jager. Repeat until desired result is achieved.
I just want to order a very large pizza and get very drunk and very laid.
I slept with six men with different nationalities this week. Who says I'm not a woman of culture?
Randomize
