He seemed more like the type to get donkey punched by a she-male hooker to me
she asked if she could keep her bee antennas on during her mugshot. i love halloween.
HAH. HARRY POTTER CASUAL CONVO HAS BEEN EXTENDED TO DISCUSSING WEATHER. SO PRO
my boss said she was surprised to see me this morning. i told her there's a time in a girls life she has to give up day drinking in order to make money for next weekend's alcohol. she looked so proud, i think i might get a raise.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
its a sex-hate relationship...no love involved
At the hospital, the nurse kept telling me that i either had appendicitis, a tubular pregnancy, or an ovarian cyst. I kept asking if i could just have chlamydia instead...
Just found bacon bits in my pocket. Blackout buffet is the best.
There is a full size piano in the middle of our road. Please tell me you had nothing to do with this.
I had a dream she was puking on me, but sadly in real life she was puking on me too
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I told her I was going to masterbate myself into a coma... We have another date on Thursday.
She always used to joke about becoming a stripper. WHO'S FUNNY NOW?!
Sexting my TA in lecture = awesome
Just so you know sleeping with you is like skydiving commando in a flightsuit made of kittens
That's the most romantic thing I've ever heard
He asked if I could not say his name during sex cause he liked the girl in the apartment above me.
I was so drunk I got motion sickness from sex.
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