He better hope I dont die soon. Because I would haunt his bitch ass and cock block 24/7
One night stand!! Now I'm pissing excellence
That burning is chlamydia
You'd think with all the porn he watches he'd be a little better at this...
currently walking past a fire hyrdrant with a hose already attatched.. this could be dangerous..
i wish i could tell you the night didnt begin with me drinking alone
Sorry I had passed out by this time I think, with the chicken fingers ON my face in my bed, with all the lights on, and ketchup all over.
Rode a jet ski for the first time three days after I lost my virginity. Hell of a week for my vagina.
Hint of advice dont get with minor league baseball players, you can google their stats but not their stds.
Apparently i asked the cab driver how much the ride was going to cost, (he said about $25) then i offered him 50 to let me drive the cab...
He actually offered up a silent prayer thanking God for my "tremendous ass." You tell me how my night is going.
You climbed on top of the bar, shotgunned a 25oz fosters and screamed, Steve Irwin was a God amongst men.
She licked my face when I was on the phone with a customer and I just laughed. Im not sure if thats good or bad
I ran into him drunk, barefoot, at rite aid and he said I looked "stunning." Yeah, Stunningly shitfaced haha
Just by hearing the girl outside reciting the info on her fake ID, I know it's gonna be a good night
There are some people who should not be trusted with a cell phone while drunk. You know your one of them when you call the cops on your own party.
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