Saw some pubes in our toilet, hope the new look works out tonight.
He said we were driving the golf cart through the woods screaming 'iceroad truckers' for four hours in the dark
dude,it's memorial day.not getting wasted=you're a terrorist
he called AT&T to make sure that he had insurance before he threw his cell phone into the fountain.
Of course the bar would go completely silent right as I yell out "I don't have AIDS"
I ran into the bouncer who kicked me out of that beach bar a few months ago. I told him I'd only been thrown out of two other places since then. He was proud.
Fucking someone because they own a lava lamp is like fucking someone because they have 20 dollars and no concern for their house burning down.
Dan I was a mess I made out with a 40 yr old who gave me a wad of cash for Christmas. Like wtf
So you are wearing a heart monitor while drinking?
Yea, they said carry on with my everyday activity.
just woke up. hair smells like weed and bbq. shins are bruised. vague memory of us chasing deer at the park at 3 am. fill me in on what exactly happened.
The sex was totally worth how awkward its gonna be for the next few weeks
You know, finding my first grey pube at 34 is FAR more distressing than finding that first grey hair at 13.
I DO NOT FUCKING WANT OR NEED THIS INFORMATION!
Hungover at Subway, watching a business guy try to squeeze his way past my car to get into his. Bitch shouldn'ta parked over the line.
You truly are a temple of morality.
I am the night, I am justice, I am currently watching the fat biz guy pay a frat boy to back his car up for him so he can get in.
This lady is talking to me and all I can think about is getting face fucked and doing cocaine. Not neccesarily together and not neccesarily in that order
tell me about the fingering
Randomize
