Was going to watch Bolt. Fucked a stranger instead. Details later.
So you didn't like Bolt?
i miss you and i wish you were peeing between my legs right now. in a platonic way
i gave him head before the novacaine wore off...i think his penis touched my lung
if you're passed out when i get there i get to wear your banana costume and do awful things to you
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Had to make a piece of abstract art. Your dick is in it
on a related note, did you know that the fire alarm in our apartment talks?
Dontating $10 to the Red Cross relief effort in Japan for every car bomb I take tomorrow. Yes, buying me a drink just became a good cause.
You know our reunion in two weeks shall be a drunken bikini clad magical adventure right
Discovered that a nalgene holds an entire bottle of wine. Going mobile. Come find me.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'll just put on a bunch of mascara and cry right before I get there. Then everyone will recognize me.
You know what the worst feeling in the world is? Sitting in your 6pm AA meeting still hungover from the night before
Is being in jail an excusable absence?
You know you turned your life around when your drunk eating salad at 3 am on a Friday night
I'm not over that dildo rifle story. I don't think I ever will be.
Did you just correct my spelling of a made up word?
No, I just was using your word in plural form
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