I'm trying real hard to keep it on the DL how drunk I am at lunch with my grandma.
Does it count as a shower if I just sat in the tub singing I'm a Little Teapot?
I think she kind of thinks she's better than us now ... please. I go to Michigan.
I totally just found ecstasy floating around in the bottom of my purse, it's almost like good karma from the time I lost that blow...but not quite
I wasn't going to take him home until I heard "hung like a water buffalo" then curiosity got the best of me.
in case you were wondering, even a BJ under a blanket on the back of a bus only lifts a 14-hour bus ride to borderline tolerable.
And I can say one thing, I look pretty good in high wasted pants. I don't know if that helps. But I do. God I'm high.
I took it upon myself to take one shot of tequila to have an excuse for hitting on my not-single coworker. It worked.
I'm so glad I was blacked out while I was going all exorcist in the bathroom. That's so not a memory I want.
I gave a very stressed out cashier a mini bottle from my purse the day after Christmas. It's what Jesus would have done.
You're a good person. Sharing is caring.
gay sex achievement: unlocked
what
you told me you were going out for groceries!!
sexting while watching Peter Pan the Musical! something just doesn't seem right here
i spent most of last night convincing myself that dan akroyd wasn't actually standing in my bathroom holding a dead chicken
I just dropped a chicken nugget on the floor and seriously prayed that it would be ok....I think this job is making me crazy.
We'll handle his penis the same way we handle day drinking; together.
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