I saw hookers! I saw hookers! I saw hookers! I saw hookers! I saw hookers! I saw hookers! Live in the flesh!
the sex wasnt even worth changing my sheets
Discovered the secret to willingly attending my 3-o'clock class. Ahoy, Cap'n.
I have seen more male genitalia at this party tonight than I ever want to see again in my entire life.
I woke on the floor next to a big TV. Apparently I traded my bed for a 52 inch samsung and a box of pop tarts.
wellllllll.... I literally just puked in my mouth so perhaps this is not the epic love connection I believed it to be 3 minutes ago.
I have to confess something, I may or may not have knocked on your window at 2:30 am while balancing on some guys hands. We found tequila.
Hey nothing wrong with those! I can't believe the guys who let me see where they live on first dates. Even more surprising, I don't stalk them after they've done me wrong.
This drunk lesbian I just met keeps trying to shove sushi in my mouth. Help.
That cat I follow on Facebook beat cancer so we're drinking tonight in celebration
How can you tell that you're blacked out ?
You can feel it in your nipples.
Why can't you just be normal and get dick pics from your exes like everyone else?
Why did I wake up covered in glitter next to a half eaten cheeseburger?
how do you say “i know we haven’t hung out in a month, but i gave myself an amazing orgasm to your picture the other day” without coming on too strong
Just saw you run by my class yelling "fuck you!". Good luck and stay human!
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