Your lack of dick hurts my anus. I hate your loverboy tactics.
will power is for people who don't want to get laid
just saw a DUI checkpoint outside of a taco bell...i feel like thats cheating...
haha you were so trashed that you deleted all of your christian music from itunes and kept saying"c-ya God, nice knowin ya"
I hate that the only Italian aspect of me is I get red and sweaty when I drink
guy at the corner shop gets out a bottle of tequilla and a pack of malboro light whenever he sees me through the door. makes me feel loved and cared for
It was also my first failed attempt at shower sex.
So I cleaned out my gym bag. Found half a bottle of malibu.
You know, I could pretend I'm shocked but what's the use?
apparently "preggers as fuck" isn't an appropriate way to describe someone...
I'm riding shot gun after Shawn took a dump in a happy meal box because we were making record time.
Definitely want to eloquently cunt punt those bitches thru the field goals of life.
You aren't going to like my movie choice because it's a Disney movie, but I am cordially inviting you to the couch for blowjobs.
I slept through 4/20 and my roommates bought an entire ham that's just sitting in the fridge...
She broke up with me after I spent the whole day speaking in nothing but Marshawn Lynch quotes.
bitch i am allowed to be rude i just fought cold hard porcelain with my face
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