I'm at a bar that has girls so awful looking even you would not have sex with them.
Well... I doubt that.
There were 3 chicks in my bed I didn't know when I got home. Now I know all of them. Biblically.
No, veal is cruel because they chain them down, I'm talking about free range human babys here.
Can you put "designated driver" on a resume?
my three year anniversary of no dick sucking is coming up. you can throw me a party with a penis cake.
not sure what to think.... picked her up and her dad says "if you take her home, you'll regret it"
We totally just fucked in a closet. These vacations with his family are causing creativity I never thought I had.
Everytime I sleep with him he gives me another hint to what his tattoo means. I'm like a slutty Nancy Drew.
Dude, Taco Bell gave me a free fiesta potatoes when I won a bet on wether I could fit the entire rim of a cup in my mouth.
I was so exhausted I thought about using my deep throat spray to stop my coughing.
The Winnie the Pooh costume was great until you got drunk and started yelling at the kids asking for pictures.
A dude was barking out of one of the buildings so I barked back and he goes, "Oh shit! She barked back! Come to room 803 I'll fuck you!"
Just banged your ex. So it really is 'him, not you' in that he's gay. Rodeo champion gay.
My doctor said I can only have one drink at a time, ever, from now on. My life has officially started its decline.
Just found a rebirth in peppermint schnapps. May be able to stay up all night and finish this paper after all. MERRY CHRISTMAS
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