Happy hour is for amateurs. Been drunk since 1230. Fell asleep in a disney viewing of UP. Went to the roosevelt and drank more. Now im stumbling around the grove.
Dude this girl just said she'd take me to pleasure town while giving me head
Will Ferrell is probably jerking himself off somewhere wishing he was you
This girl in the gym has an amazing body...too bad there's no workout routine for a face.
Hello wreck, this is your train calling.
I don't really want to explain to you right now but i just ate laundry detergent
I'm not entirely sure what we did is legal in the U.S., but I know that couple wont be the same
Dunno yet. Probably just gonna play the s.t.d. russian roulette game with random bartenders at the beach again. Same 'ol same 'ol
You kept going up to guys in plaid and screaming "are you a lumberjack" in their faces
We had half a pitcher of beer left and he asked us if we wanted a to-go cup. Fuck yeah we want it to-go.
Rule #61 of being a lady: never get fingered by a finger with a knuckle tattoo
He called me baby cakes during sex... Can U not
Egg rolls and cum. Not my worst snack.
you face planting the wall was epic
did you at least save my tooth
Sitting naked, eating lucky charms with rain boots on
Can u pick up some lemons on the way? I have Tequila and a sore throat..I need them for both
Randomize
