Guess who got arrested for public drunkiness, and called jimmy johns for the entire station last night instead of someone to bail me out? The cop that arrested me drove me home. Win.
He must be back home now. He moved his box of beer from her porch to ours.
She fucked me for a ride to the airport. If this is what the rest of college is like, I'm never graduating.
I feel like we have both made good decisions regarding our vaginas lately
The dude at Coffee Bean just handed me my tea latte and whispered, "pomegranate blueberry is such a sexy flavor". With a wink. I'm almost certain that there's an STD floating around in my drink.
Long story short I'm making an I'm sorry card for a girl I dont remember having sex with
I FUCKED THE WRONG FRIEND HELP ME
I buy a new bowl every time I get a new guy. It's retail therapy.
I just want to order a very large pizza and get very drunk and very laid.
not sure what the chiropractor did but my junk deserves a cape now.
who knew rolling through the dorm on a scooter in footie pajamas would attract so many guys. he said i'm his soulmate.
I really don't think my body can handle another night of drinking
Lol you talk like you have a choice
I am worried that I am gonna die before the weekend is over
I should probably just LinkedIn request everyone I've ever slept with so they stop popping up on my suggested connections list
I just smoked weed out of a tomahawk, then chased an armadillo with said tomahawk, I love my life.
Do you know why I slept in the yard last night?
You said you watched the lion king stoned and had to do it for simba.
Pride rock will get you every time.
Randomize
