I want 2 things right now, you or a cig
cig
you kept eating the heads off the gummy bears and screaming 'euthanized!'
It was either a cute kinda butch tomgirl or a really fem guy. Either way, I made out with it. Bisexuality, my best friend.
I had sex with her like 200 times, and she was only pregnant once, those are pretty good statistics.
If you feel like laying around and watching a movie, that's where I'll be for the next several hours not moving, blaming others, and generally feeling sorry for myself.
The jerky fairy visited my fridge. It's glorious.
Because she seems like the type to give it up for a box of fruit rollups.
Just used my flashlight app to find a gummy lifesaver I dropped on the floor
I like how you're utilizing your resources
Metaphysical thesis on the illusion of self+ 2 day adderal binge = the walls of reality are crumbling
Let's put a bunch of beers in a backpack and shotgun them in a Red Lobster bathroom
You have the perkiest tits in all of North America. You're fine.
Does it still count as a threesome if one girl left halfway through cause we were having too much sex?
Fuck you for even being able to ask that question
He brought me another shot of rum, ice and my underwear when I woke up.
What a gentleman.
I KNOW, right?!
She's dancing around licking a fork of nutella. She is not sober.
A dozen naked frat boys in squirrel masks just ran by. Welcome to the official start of the holidays.
Randomize
