We were making out in the bushes when some dude comes and starts peeing beside us.
if you think for one second that i'm not using my mittens as hand puppets at the bar tonight then u dont know me at all!
I woke up this morning peeing out bubbles . I smell like baby wash . What the hell happened .
I never thought I'd say this, but there is a life threatening amount of rumpleminz in our freezer
No, this is a senior booty call. It cannot be ignored.
Its official the day you get back into town we are having a going away to jail party for me. My last wish before prison is to shit faced drunk with you, get into a fist fight, and then cuddle up and fall asleep. Just like old times <3
Today's weekday brunch started at 2pm, and consisted of $7 of sandwich and $50 of cocktails. Also, I hustled the bartender for about $3 playing nickel poker, but he may have been letting me win. Either way, he didn't get into my pants.
He left his boxers here. Can I keep them and make a shrine or would that be creepy?
Sincerely. Thanks. You could have thought of anyone sitting on your face but you chose me. :)
You tipped the Uber driver extra for taking your phone away while you were drunk texting
He asked me while we were fishing why the passion was gone when we have sex. It's official...I am the dude in this relationship.
We watched ESPN, hooked up, got waffles. You know, a typical weekend.
I kept screaming that he looked like Khal Drogo and rode around the bar on his back.
there are LEGIT cum stains on my ceilling. ON THE CEILLING!! you tell me how the relationship was.
Your Saturday night was spent at the opera, mine was spent exchanging naked pics with a hot middle aged man that is so ripped that he looks like he's photoshopped. This is why we're blood sisters. We balance each other out.
I hate you so hard.
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