just shaved my legs at the gas station bathroom before going to the club. is that too ghetto?
Thanks for holding onto me so I didn't fall in my pee in that parking lot. You're the best boyfriend ever.
i don't think it's normal to still be missing spring break.
And for the fourth year in a row Christmas has ended in tears, yelling and me drinking. This is officially our longest running Christmas tradition.
votre penis est TRES GRAND. i used vous because your penis is SO big
One of my coworkers just invited me to a wet t-shirt contest this weekend in honor of her son's 21st Birthday.
Most adult booty call ever. Ha. We got down to business and still got to watch the colbert report.
Also, I guess I made friends with the guy who caught me peeing behind a bush.
Just blew a guy who had the same phone case as me. It was destiny.
We found you wrapped up in a tarp in the garage the next morning, thats how real shit got.
School starts Thursday. Don't fling yourself out of the car to throw up screaming "classy" before I park this time.
It's a new year.
Love these next 4 months. Wake up from a college football hangover and get to put your hand down your pants and watch NFL football all day.
What!? It's 7:30am on gameday. This keg is not going to drink itself.
Of all the things I've masturbated to while high, my favorites are ritz chips and trees
She came home, put on the news, left a 20 minute drunk message on her friends machine, then proceeded to play back the entire message laughing hysterically and then just passed out
Randomize
