Should I have kids to fix a relationship??
just woke up and he was jacking off in the corner.. am i being punked?
My dad just told me if I'm going to smoke pot, to make sure I use a clean needle. WTF?
Hello rock bottom. My name is Jared. Nice to meet you.
which gay bar do you need a ride home from?
so i used to love airports for the escalators... now its the bars... then the escalators after the bars
Just spit on a sock to clean a spot on my glass table. Oddest combination of so lazy and motivated ever.
I fell asleep to the sounds of them banging in the next room. It was oddly soothing...
i just had to use the keg as a stool to reach the margarita maker. i'm such a problem solver.
I used that money i stole from the stripper last night to pay for my date tonight.
Ohh man. That was a snatch-waxer with a score to settle.
do you think me going to the gyno dressed as a cat is inappropriate?
Dude. You dropped to your knees and face planted into the rocks. And continued to talk on the phone and laugh. That's where those cuts came from.
i chased my gummy vitamins with cold bacon, never say I don't take care of myself
When the theology professor asked me what touched me most about this trip to Rome, I guess "the guy from last night" wasn't the proper response.
He was doing dishes, naked. I dropped to my knees and gave him head. Teamwork level- pro..
Randomize
