That adds atleast one bjs worth of awkward sexual tension between us.
You wanted to speak to the manager of mcdonalds as to why a "bag of cheeseburgers" isn't a menu option.
I bought a nasal spray, my nose needs to be in order by the weekend
Sex with him was like teaching a two year old how to work a machine gun
Saddest moment ever is discovering when your cat no longer wants to get high with you.
Drunk you is everything I aspire to be in life.
Grilled cheese and whiskey for lunch is why i should NEVER be a housewife.
I'll come out for a little. I can't be visibly hungover at work again or I get written up and fired. And yes, I am aware of how alcoholic that sounds.
the cops are being surprisingly chill about david hanging from a tree with no pants.
wtf I can't believe that bar tender told on me to my mom
I don't think I'll get invited back. I drunkenly told her that her kids would be perfect for a pro-abortion campaign.
I think he thought I was too drunk to handle his parrot
She's going to jail in a few weeks but she just got a boyfriend. Yet I'm still single as fuck.
Well, why would you bring gelado into a strip club?
I can't say too many people would say watching their drunk best friends fuck in a hot tub is very normal.
Randomize
