I think taking a nice shit is a lot more satisfying than an orgasm. This is probably why I'm single.
i dont think my boyfriend knows how much of a pain it is to shave my ass
the weed was in a baggy that had little penguins on it. i am so excited you have no idea
they just started filling water ballons with vodka.
on my way.
he got everyone in a room, turned off the lights and started throwing knives at the wall. if you got hit, you had to drink...
At this point can I suggest a mail away bride. You judge Nick but you are a strange dude and that may be your ticket.
You left something at the house but since I'm back home now so I can just mail it over. Address?
I didn't realize you could put dignity in a box these days.
Please make sure you have solid number of friends around you that wouldn't be afraid to break a bottle and stab someone. If you're planning on drinking all of that, you're going to need a safety net.
You're like Jane Goodall in a forest of gay men. Someday your autobiography will be called "Bottoms in the Mist".
I thought adderall would sober me up, but it did NOT.
Seriously, fuck work.
uh yea I'm curled up in the trunk of my car
Your life has no conflict it's just a blur of sex and Netflix
All you have to drink is moonshine and ranch. This is bullshit.
Magyver!
Yah. I'm gonna lay you down and feed you grapes, except I'm gonna replace grapes for my balls
I have two choices: tits or tacos. I just can't decide.
Randomize
