The sex was so good, I called my ex during the 2nd time just so he could hear. Is that mean?
i just found my sim card.....i hid it in my tylenol bottle....i guess to ensure i would find it mid-hangover
I feel like I should I write an apology note to the frat for falling down stairs, passing out on the couch, and chugging the entire bottle of burnetts at semiforml last weekend. Apparently I was the main topic of discussion at their chapter meeting last night.
I just got eleven picture messages of my dick and balls hanging out of my shorts last night. I guess it really is summer when the fratastic, man-thigh exposing shorts come out...
Bro i heard that. I've seen so many balls this month its like march madness all over again
I changed the background on my phone to a picture of you so whenever I go to look at porn or text another girl I'll have second thoughts
Am I supposed to find that romantic?
sometimes when i'm drunk i choose the spanish option on the ATM to challenge myself.
those were not strange pants with a really large waist band...it took me 3 days to realize I was wearing someone's sweater as pants
you strike me as the kind of person who when they spill something on their lap they take off their pants and eat it anyways. right off the crotch seam.
The fact that I took a nap during my midterm shows exactly how I handle being an adult
My mom just made me promise her that i'll care about the next guy I sleep with
There was a trampoline and tequila. It was glorious.
30 year old woman with braces and crocs came into the store today with her boyfriend. what am I doing wrong.
Oh Jesus. Are you going to the hospital?
No I'm showering then leaving for Vegas
I dont understand why i cant be a wizard
dude I fucking saw you snort tequila
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