my ass just sighed. even my farts are tired.
You picked the wrong day to call in sick. She's wearing the librarian glasses today.
Upon hearing of his newfound access to every orifice... even ones he just made up... the Grinch's penis grew three sizes that day.
My professor is talking about sperm and all I can think about is my mouth
I got fingered by sexual harassment panda last night, by a van, I can't remember if he took off his furry panda hands...
Not only did I hold your hair back as you puked, i french braided it. I am such a great friend.
he was fingering the outside of my pants..i knew that was my cue to leave
My vagina has become a graveyard for my brother's friendships...
at least you got your priorties in line. new years first, than the baby.
In all seriousness, if tomorrow night becomes a heated game of Which Ex Gets To Take The Plastered Birthday Girl Home, I'm going to bow out with my integrity intact.
They left at like 4. I got up to help clean their house this morning and we found his pants. No ones heard from him, we're all a little scared.
I mean, yeah, she was cheating on me but I've been fucking her brother. My secret relationship trumps her secret relationship.
You gotta pick a side. My suggestion: side with tits.
I don't think I've ever met a guy with a bush bad enough that I would choose a cactus over it.
Ate his Chinese food and drank his beer and played with his chihuahua. All while wrapped in a towel while he was sleep.
Randomize
