we were spooning and you were the big spoon but you insisted that I call you "the ladle"
Just found out that wake n bake is not one of the 7 habits of highly effective people..
It's been a long time since I felt this bad on a Monday... and for that, I thank you.
All she said to me last night is that when her eyes roll back, to release my choke hold.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
ALSO, bringing a stapler to the bar is a good idea
Tommorow.Eggs Benedict and surprise blowjob day
THERE IS AN ENORMOUS FAT WOMAN EYEING MY FLIGHT'S GATE LIKE IT WOULD BE DELICIOUS TO EAT.
My class coordinator for bio told us that the only thing we should do the night before an exam is to get laid. And then party down after the exam. I like him.
blew off easter dinner with the fam to go play shot roulette. woke up in nothing but my boxers in the back of a random pickup truck.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
We kinda got asked to leave the strip club and on the way out, you fell again. When you finally got up we got a standing ovation from the girls behind the bar and you took a bow. It was awesome.
Wait, but now I'm curious. In what position were y'all when the cops came? Were you guys butt ass naked in the car? 😂😂
I thought the first time I got peed on it would be by a baby...
Failing this, see a doctor for elephant tranquillisers, to be taken with whiskey orally, twice at dawn.
I don’t know whether to call out sick or call in drunk
Just had the biggest masturbatory crisis ever.
What does that mean?
Internet is down.
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