oh good, I think they're gone
the painters?
my herpes
Is it wrong to want to cut a hole in the Tigger suit so I can molest you while I wear it?
you'd think with how big her nose is she'd have a better smelling pussy..
I just saw the preacher from the church I grew up in while I was buying condoms at the drugstore... he remembered me.
You go to school with some of the ugliest girls I've ever seen... How are you not getting laid?
Yes I want to fuck your friends but it's out of respect and love for you.
he went at my nipples like a starved dog.
We lost power at midnight which freaked out my roomate and friends. The power came back on 30 minutes later. We are now at the bar having "the rapture came and we were left behind" shots
Woke up with a text saying "when I get to see them titties again lil ma??" With 8 beads around my neck & an empty bottle of vodka in my arms.
we were making out in my truck and while she was straddling me she informs me that she jerks off horses for a living. Should I be concerned or flattered?
How does one un superglue their foot to the floor
Welcome to the club of "Sick of cleaning up actual shit." We meet on the 3rd Sunday of each month. Bring your ceremonial viking helmet.
We're going through the drive-through at mcdonalds while pulling sam behind us in the wheelchair and having them hand him the food. Let me know how this went in the morning
admittedly, geting that drunk in front of my last two exes wasnt a good idea
probably didn't help that you cheated on them with each other either
His mom knocked on the door during morning sex because we were being too loud...now i have to meet her for the first time
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