We were both sleeping and she woke up and just puked i feel so bad for everyone around us
if i found out she had a dick after i got head, does that still make me gay?
I was giving him head and when I deep throated him he screamed out "Ohh, top ten!"
She was like the Rudy of blow jobs... SO much effort into it
Saturday dinner is funfetti cake and merlot. Singlehood has come to this.
I'm having horrible flashbacks of being groped by Pauly Shore.
I sent him a naked picture of me with the caption "I lost at beer pong, this was a dare. Hope your nights going as good as mine" I've never talked to him in my life, this is a strange way to start.
Now that I'm hitting my bong, I realized I haven't missed something so much in a long time. I love Thomas the Dank Engine.
Wesley I'm sober and my body hurts. There wasn't much trust in any of those falls.
You know what would make the espn body photos even better? If anyone knew who any of those fucking athletes were. That, and maybe not feature Gary Player.
Listen man, there's two things I know about in life: porn and sound. On a day that I'm wearing khakis, I need you to trust that I know what the fuck I'm doing.
To keep it classy I will take a pregnacy test on Mother's Day
I can only get day drunk because of my medicine now, so... There's that
Getting dome in the backseat of a friends car with Ariana Grande playing in the background was probably the most romantic part of my night
I'm sorry I threw a frog in your car last night.
Randomize
