I'm at a work party and I don't know how to drink socially. You know, like slow?
I just put on my hot pinky lace thong... you know what that means! ;)
Oh god. Slutty you is on the run. Someone needs to alert the city.
Someone just asked me to go to the dining hall for dinner and he will use one of his swipes to pay for my meal. i think this is a college version of a date
I'm a fake celebrity on twitter. I need a life.
I didnt realize til after I got out of her apartment and into the lobby that we lived in the same building.
I woke up exactly where I passed out... on top of him yet he somehow put his pants back on
Dan marino should def buy this ambulance. But not this one. I'm gonna fuck this ambulance up
I'm having one of my monday morning walk of shame coffees if you care to join.
he bit THROUGH my nipple
plus side, no need to pay for a piercing.
I swear every time I see him he's either dancing or trying to touch people
I just don't wanna be that girl with no ride and no pants
Alex I've come up with a new medical condition. dick depression. it's a real thing and I have it
Had to admit my broken elbow was caused by vodka, not hockey
She fucked my eyebrows.. I've never had that done before.
Wait... Plucked, or Fucked?
Fucked, but I understand your need to clarify
We were drunk at 3am with no food. I sent him to the lobby with ninety cents for like a bag of chips and I swear on my life he came back with a meatball sub
...did you ask him where he got a meatball sub at 3:00am?
He just kept mumbling something about being a hunter/gatherer
Oh AND he got us two bags of chips.
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