Last night was a blur. All I remember is jizzing in the squeegee bucket at a gas station.
The look on the soccer mom's face was PRICELESS.
no, i dont want the owner to like me bc i dedazzled my vagina
The last thing I remember is you asking me how to grow french fries.
white trash bash was a total success...cops shut it down twice and her hair stayed in rollers all night..she never broke character
So, does it mean i'm loose if he can't even tell when he fell out?
you cant keep talent like that locked up in a relationship
It involved anal and pop rocks. Tell me how that could have ended well.
I'm gonna have to flying elbow somebody tonight in memory of Macho Man
I have a huge bruise on my thigh that I am 95% sure is due to you repeatedly throwing me over couches.
When you get a chance, you should call Nick. He REEAAAALLLLLY wants to hear you make chewbacca noises.
Just got a ride from a stranger while walking a mile home as it hailed with no coat. He asked me if I smoked, then said he just made some potent cookies and I could have one.
The cookie was what I originally wanted to tell you. Always say yes to drugs from strangers
You kept ranting how Captain Planet is getting shortchanged in the superhero department. Other than that you kept it together
Harry Potter pub crawl tonight. You know you're living your life right when your check list for the evening is wizard robes, wand and acid.
She started waving a nerf rifle around and demanding free booze.
Someone puked in my crockpot. Your friends can’t come over any more.
Randomize
