when people say theyve been sober for however many years is that like couple beers not drunk sober, or no drinking sober?
This girl told me I had the balls of an infant..I replied by saying her vagina looks like Stargate.
If I saw Perez Hilton naked I think I would stick a lit candle down my throat.
i just saw a guiness commercial where the guiness was on the verge of spilling the whole time. i was on the edge of my seat scared shitless. im an alcoholic.
i swear to god even though i took those meds before coming here i did not hallucinate zulema silently throwing up into a breakfast burrito
if that blanket by the dog bowl was your dog's "bed" then i apologize to bailey for having sex on it
deryk tried to steal your screen door and i think sam and brent are duct taping lauren to the diving board.
Just hit him with your car. I can guarantee he won't do it again.
It's like we come as a package. Your slogan should be "be in my family, sleep with my roommate."
My slogan can be "bonding the family together. One dick at a time."
I hooked up with some guy to get over my ex last night. I was terrified until we started doing naked pushups.
I'm just gonna stay I'm bed where it is warm and cozy and nobody knows me as the girl that puked on a stripper
Omg that was my second thought of the morning.
First was that we had pop tarts.
If fixing it is ignoring it, and getting naked. Then yes we fixed it.
But I don't see you as the jesus riding a dinosaur with a machine gun type of guy
I'd like to thank Vicodin for getting me through family thanksgiving once again.
Randomize
