guy from last night has fluorescent crocs in his closet. judging by the rest of his clothes he doesn't wear them in an ironic way
She got her phone back last night. And the first thing I sent her was a picture of me pooping in a culvers bathroom
Why the fuck is BBQ sauce coming out of my shower head?
just heard a glass bottle fall in lecture and my first thought was to yell party foul.....is it friday yet?
Oh, and thanks to you. I'm now stuck in the living room, held hostage, listening to my roommate's "How I discovered I was bi" story. FUCK YOU.
Good morning! Spongebob is on channel 257 when you wake up. Help yourself to breakfast. You were great last night. See you when i get back.
shes the kind of girl that would cock block endangered pandas
I think my Halloween costume this year will be made entirely of pillows and I'll be Marshmellow girl or Kirby. That way I'm comfortable, warm, and if I fall over drunk I'm safe.
Can't wait to hear which one of you won the 'fuck a bigger geek' contest last night. Queen Amidala vs Lara Croft. See you at breakfast.
I was at the pharmacy picking up my herpes medication and the pharmacist asked if I had any questions about my medicine, looked at the bottle, and laughed. Insult to injury man.
I THINK it was the lead singer. Whoever he was, I have his number and his dick was pierced.
It was totally the lead singer.
We did it to 80's cardio music. Talk about a workout.
So I considered mediating this morning and instead I master-bated...same thing right?
Also I've accepted I am not going to be a catch today. I look like a dead hooker and the remedial work is going to be patchy at best with the shakes I've got.
she peed her pants, took them off, the put them back on. but she only put her legs in one hole.
Randomize
