Do you think Patty Mayonase ever went down on Doug?
Congratulations on your moose knuckle.
Thank you. Really, it was an honor just being nominated.
We walked into the bar in The Flying V formation from The Mighty Ducks. We were ready.
win or lose for butler, i'm still masturbating to brad stevens tonight
Clothes are such an inconvenience.
I either just got cockblocked or saved from a lengthy court case so I'm kinda conflicted about how my night went.
She's like the pied piper of lesbians.
This morning I learned I traded my sunglasses for a Big Lebowski sticker at the football game.
After it was shut down sean literally made out with four separate girls between the 100 feet to our house. It was a rampage.
I don't want to ruin date night, but you have no idea how hard it is to poop whilst looking at cute puppies.
It's like he drunk calls 6 times for me to come over, but can't say hello at lunch.
Woke up with chlamydia and a bruised rib. I'd say my boss is gonna be mad about me not showing up to work, except you know.. it's her fault.
Thank you for always being there for me.
Sorry wrong derek... Do u have any weed?
The police officer that arrested me Friday night just bought me a shot
You know the story of the boner party, right? They got stuck in the mountains and ate each other?
It was the Donner party... boner party was the porn version...
Randomize
