walking on gravel proved too much for her barefeet so she traded her bra for some guys sneakers.
Am I allowed to make my facebook status "loves farting in chairs"? I think it would shock every boy that I am friends with.
He was rambling about life and dignity and happiness. but all i kept thinking was PENIS. YOU HAVE A PENIS. I CAN SHOW YOU WHERE TO PUT THAT PENIS.
did the walk of shame through a baseball field. .A little league game was going on. Proceeded to buy a hot dog at the concession stand. the looks were priceless.
you're close to getting here right? Because if you're still not here and I have to get dressed to answer the door for the pizza guy, i'm tipping him $100 on your credit card to spite you
come in to starbucks and ill make you a 4loko latte before theyre banned
Nothing like all your friends getting engaged to remind you how much fun sleeping around is.
Also, we should really buy some bandaids. Right now I'm using toilet paper and scotch tape, but I don't really think that's sanitary.
Getting stoned at work has never been a good idea, but im always more than willing to give it another chance
So I'm thinking about sending him some "sorry I almost peed on your computer" cookies. Thoughts?
Is it socially acceptable to stop at the strip club for the lunch buffet on my way to the airport?
Dude she tried to bite my face off last night, literally. I have never actually felt like a piece of meat until that point in life...
Yeah just pls explain the dishes and the dildo. I don't want to lose my job over a dick in the cooler.
You were crying hysterically
So that's why my heels were in the oven...
Idk, apparently drinking five Four Loko's and trying to fight a mailbox constitutes disorderly conduct.
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