Got a toothbrush?
You put a thong on my pumpkin didn't you.
And for 6 straight hours, I laid on my bedroom floor trying to convince myself it would perfectly acceptable to pee on my own floor
I truly don't know anything about sober relationships. Normally I would just drunkenly yell "sex?" in a guy's face. What do I do now? Be like, sooo uhhh, wanna do it? Awkward, and even worse, I will remember clearly just how awkward it was.
you cried when she wouldn't let you have her bathroom rug.
What's the appropriate way to phrase "If you ever leave your wife give me a call. But we can still have sex periodically until then."??
Man, I thought my dick was gonna fall off.
Dude, I didn't even think they made slap bracelets anymore. You okay?
For looking exactly like her, she tasted less like her sister than I would've thought
This number has temporarily been disconnected and will be restored to service once you get rid of you girlfriend.
I actually want to work out for some reason... I think it's my brains way of telling me it doesn't like living in a fat body.
she's an english major so her sexts are something i look forward to
What is your life?
A tangled mess of finals and bad decisions.
You kept whispering to me that the guy making your burrito was an angel.
I need more 20 something year old penis in my life
I stole a block of cheese from the party last night and put it in my purse but I got so drunk that I left my purse on the floor and my dog ate it.
Randomize