I think he may have called me a bar rat, jokingly. I said i was but in a non-trashy way.
my boss just made his own remix to aaron carter's i want candy. i cant decide if its the funniest or most embarrassing thing ive seen
Your vagain smells worse when im sober.
sorry, worng number
You know your in college when you decide house chores with games of beer pong...
Just FYI, I'm breaking up with my boyfriend tonight and you need to be on call to be my first rebound bang
see these eyes, they just want to bone and go to sleep.
Nope, sorry. Already took my bra off. All down hill from here. My next act will be crying, singing, and eating girl scout cookies in the shower. You can come watch the shit show though.
You know what? I bet HE would do stormtrooper roleplay with me. I'm in.
The car just stinks of weed and we are all sitting here trying to hide it from my mom by rolling down the windows, like it's not coming off my sisters boyfriend
I feel a whole lot better than i did this morning at 3 when one of my roommates discovered me slightly aware of my surroundings and naked in the bath tub with the shower on
maby next time we don't finish the whole box wine just because it tastes like shit
Let the record show that the first hour of my twenty-first was spent shooting tequila ans discussing the emotional integrity of werewolves.
Now some guy that's in my phone as " Alex lip ring hot" is texting me and I don't where life is taking me
I slept naked with a towel wrapped around my waist in case I pissed the bed again
You yell at me for being attracted to older guys and you're over here condoning murder
I'm really sorry I called you a "smug, arrogant, boyfriend-fucking piece of defecation". I was super drunk.
I was going to be mad, but then I remembered you don't use autocorrect and spelled everything correctly and I was kinda impressed.
Randomize
