That's what you get when you play shuffleboard drunk.
Alright folks.. i have made history - I just hit my 2nd PARKED car SOBER withing 6 months.. :*( wtf?!
I haven't gotten laid in forever. I'm obsessed. I imagine I this is how Ethopians feel about food.
she said if I bought her franzia she would blow me, and she would fuck me if I splurged on martini and rossi. Franzia it is
I was just about to send a concerned text until I opened my door and saw a shopping cart. I'm glad you made it home in one piece and with toys.
Its 11am, im in the city in a pocahontas outfit, lost a heel and found a gold rolex in my lingerie.
Whoever decided to wrap my shins in duck tape owes me new leg hair.
There's a man in a pumpkin/reaper outfit advertising a new head shop outside the Taco Bell. I love this town.
just peed on my shirt somehow, im calling it a day
Is it inception if it feels like another uterus is going to burst out of my current uterus?
Almost to work. And still feel hungover. Like my body is trying to regenerate after dying. Full on zombie shit. But like, one of those zombies from warm bodies that comes back to life slowly.
I've decided that I'm okay with you getting a goat. I have to get over my completely rational fear of goats somehow.
I came home braless and wearing a tail....
Well I kept shouting "you're groovy" at him and then I had a 15-minute argument with the bouncer about how many 9s there are in 100... it was definitely time to go home.
I ACCIDENTALLY MURDERED MY COUSIN
HOW DO YOU ACCIDENTALLY MURDER YOUR COUSIN
Randomize
