I wish you were here to vomit in your hand.
We were having sex on the balcony and this guy walked by, so drunkily i said "dont move, he cant see us if we dont move."
the toilet has never flushed louder then when you sneak home drunk and try to avoid your parents hearing you puke.
Seriously... There's something wrong here. I'm drinking vodka to mask the smell of chocolate on my breath before I get home and he finds out. I fucking hate couple dieting...
I masterbate to the thought of you. You totally aren't just a booty call.
Can you please reassure him im not a scary or intimidating person? And that really my entire life is a series of completely ridiculous events that have led me here?
It's 4/20 of course I'm going to smoke in the portapotty and be ripped outta my mind at the lung cancer walk.
Thank you for caring about my cervix.
I've never heard "I will drown your mother in vanilla pudding" as an insult before, and then last night happened.
i woke up with a kayak in my amazon shopping cart with 1 wrong digit on my credit card and the transaction wasn't going through.
Jesus christ. I put you on speaker when you called me last night and you told me to brush my teeth with a dick.
So hypothetically speaking.. say someone dropped their birth control pill in a hot bowl of soup, and it possibly disintegrated.. would it be just as useful?
he is sitting in the driveway by himself laughing at nothing, idk what to do
If we're going to communicate going forward, you'll need to be versed in Gillian Anderson.
Is it unhealthy for me to do shots of pinnacle by myself in my apartment right now? Asking for a friend
Randomize
