Nothing ended up happening last night because he couldn't get my overalls or fanny pack off. I woke up this morning with one strap over my overall shorts on, my fanny pack wrapped around my chest, and the baby doll still tied to my hand. Ugh white trash parties!
We just took the batteries out of the fire alarm to play the breathalyzer game. I love college.
i just traded a sweatshirt for margaritas... why did they ever stop using the barter system??!!
High as balls & about to be tanning. Helloooo 15 minute vacay.
im flying all the way to minnesota to see him for four days... cutest-best-friend-reunion or most-epic-booty-call-ever?
who says it cant be both...
i just figured out how to balance my wine bottle on my boobs so that i don't have to tip it with my hands...breathing has new meaning
If it snows I'm just gonna sit at my house in my costume and drink beer by myself all night.
There are several different types of life sentences in my purse right now.
My underwear said "hard to get" on the butt. He laughed when he took them off.
Dude, do you think he'd be pissed if he found out that I always reference him as my starter husband?
Her cop pants made me imagine I was riding a unicorn and by unicorn I mean her face
She woke up with her hand super glued to the fridge....how the hell am I Supposed to get her off??
I think I'm gunna glue a sign to my head that says "WAKE ME UP BEFORE 7!" And go to sleep and hope a kind passer by wakes me up for my exam .
I just took a picture of Austin's dick wearing a hat. Except its not a hat it's a DayQuil cap.
Who brings a stripper to breakfast at the dining hall? What was the plan? Impress her with his meal plan?
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