Call me when you're up
Great dream, you were in it
I thought you should know that you passed out in your trash can last night.
Thanks for throwing up on me.
She had a bottle of NAIR in her bathroom, but she clearly hadn't been using it.
Vanillla milkshakes are the new Gold Bond. Will explain later.
I woke up to a topless girl handing me a blunt. Candidate for greatest wake-up ever?
My sheets, bed, and bathroom are covered in blood. She needed 14 stitches after a trip to ER. This is the last white girl I ever hookup with.
The girl behind me in psych just tapped me on my shoulder to tell me there was a condom wrapper in my hood.
All I can see in the pic you sent is white shorts...
Thas my pasnts in colleg! Tehy glow! AND SMELL LIKE BEER!
Hey we need to step our game up. Dad has us beat; he stole a vending machine once.
I'm a busy girl. All I wanted was noncommittal sex a few times a week
I'm having salsa con queso and a leftover half-drank/flat red bull for breakfast. Nothing you propose doing today would be a downgrade.
I feel like the only way to get him to stop is by telling him i'm tired from fucking our other friend every night this week
And that facial hair. He might as well shave it so it spells "douche" on one cheek and "nozzle" on the other.
He is a beautiful butterfly covered in tattoos and naked.
Is it weird that I'm smoking a cig on my back patio in a sports bra and underwear?
Randomize
