we are all sexual creatures
yea maybe. but you're not. you're not getting any.
i swear i just saw perry the platypus. the fuck dude. i shouldnt even know who that is
PS, you're not being slutty, you're "making dreams true."
he literaly had industrial grade plastic underneth his blankets
We've had the 'life would be so much better if we were both lesbians' conversation too much for that to be okay.
can you look at this picture and tell me if you think this my kid?
he asked you how you felt and you yelled "I FEEL SO PROACTIVE!" and started coloring with sharpies
Aw lol. Sounds like my masturbation injury last year
Also I'm very proud of th fact that I walked my dog before bed. Drunk dog walking should be an Olympic sport; it takes SKILLS.
Someone just got pizza delivered to the liquor store.
all i tweeted was "emergency this is not a drill" and he immediately texted me asking if this was a subtle booty call…it was
Maybe snorting K off penises isn't healthy
All I remember is you shouting "THIS KID IS A FREAKIN' NINJA!!" when he dive rolled over a barbed wire fence and proceeded to ask for his 18th beer.
We still getting married? Or were you day drinking
It's only 3 AM. There's still time to get arrested today.
Randomize
