I have this horrible feeling I'm going to blackout tonight & only be able to say 'wasabi bobby' over & over again.
Weren't you self-described as an 'arab' slut?
No?
Well my cheeks are red now
i'm home, then i'll come over
ightttt gangstaaaaaaaaaaaa
nvm.
Awkward medical moment of the day: A very obese girl with a disorder that literally makes her hit herself punched herself in the face. Literally. While screaming 'MCDONALDS MONEY'. Right. Beside. Me.
dude there's automatic no homos on brad Pitt and Leonardo dicaprio. Everyone knows that
All I'm saying is that whoever owned the wheelchair clearly didn't need it or they wouldn't have been able to leave it there
I think my Halloween costume this year will be made entirely of pillows and I'll be Marshmellow girl or Kirby. That way I'm comfortable, warm, and if I fall over drunk I'm safe.
He asked if I had feelings for him while I was lying naked on the floor vomiting into a trashcan as he held my hair and fed me Pringles.
Shitty. Well if it makes you feel any better I just had a toothless wasted crackhead in my bar who was mad because there are TOO MANY FUCKIN TREES in Nantucket.
dude, where are you? this beer run has taken so long i read war and peace, took a nap, and shaved 3 times.
Don't need my thirties to be known as the decade of "new types of shits from drinking" like last night.
I just tried to get a motorcycle cop to give me a ride....he told me not to ask strangers for rides
He told me I'm a small core of pure evil wrapped up in sweetness, gold, and puppies. He gets me.
That is beautiful
You either got a dog, or you have a boy over. I can't tell from the noises which it is.
This will never work. His dick is smaller than mine.
Wow. And yours is kind of small.
RIGHT?
Randomize
