My family is watching Intervention and taking notes. I need to leave NOW!
I'm watching ellen!
just because im gay does not mean you need to notify me every time you watch the ellen degeneres show
I don't know which is a more impressive stolen object. The couch from a sheer logistical viewpoint, or the parking meter because i'm pretty sure that's a federal offence.
She stole my hamster. idk who she was, she just walked in and said she knew Keith so she stayed, drank 6 beers, and then stole Charles.
Thanks for having 911 ready when I jumped off the balcony
I went up to get a drink from the hotel room. And ended up getting arrested in the lobby. Spring break has not been forgiving this year.
No more stories ab the wkend for co-workers... No one else found "and I didn't have pants on when I got home Saturday night" as funny as I did.
Besides he said his dick was as big as a loaf of bread and that it was broken. So I was like u have half a head of hair and a broken dick that looks like bread. No thanks. Im good.
I wish university was like frosh week all the time and then they just give you a degree for surviving
It's situations like these that make me climb out of windows
did u drive by my house last night?
bc if that wasn't you i threw my bourbon bottle at the wrong van
I wonder how drunk we can get before Christmas Caroling turns into trespassing.
I'm glad you got documented proof of my stupidity with a head full of nitrous
Hahaha and I'm glad you are doing whip its at a childrens basketball game
Um..... I have taste. The only thing I am going to bedazzle is my vagina.
Just packed vodka and spare underwear into my purse- totally set for watching the hockey with him tonight
Randomize
