My girlfriend went down on me and as she did she hummed the theme from star wars and pretended my dick was a lightsaber...I'm buying the engagement ring tomorrow
In hindsight, trust falling your grandma was a bad idea. Sorry about that.
I'm coming over to use your dick. I need to take my aggression out on something. Hope that's cool.
Do you think the party boat will still go out if there is a hurricane?
So I craigslisted sugar daddies and I'm pretty sure I found us one if you can pretend to be asian.
I can't straight up say the only reason I smoked a couple bowls with you was for your three legged cat
you walked onto the street in the middle of the 10K in your thong. it was a whole new kind of expirience.
I knew I was in trouble when she kept referring to the next day as things we should do
So you brought her to my house and left her on my couch.
He'd rather cuddle with his shitty little miniature dog than the half naked girl in his bed. I've lost all hope for him and my vagina
College has done two things for me. Given me the confidence to blow my nose in public and shit in public
YOURE ABOUT TO SEE SO MUCH UNCIRCUMCISED DICK
This bird just went for my eyes. Does he think I'm dead???
I would give a kidney to fuck him and he knows it. That bastard.
there is glitter all over my balls
i wish i could put you in a lil box, and keep you for when i need to be blown
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