Sorry, I have to go home and feed my nepotisms
Sorry, I can't talk, there's a herd of nepotisms headed my way
I thought she had more class and brains than to date a complete numb-nut, drug addict, fuck up like him. People never cease to amaze me
I feel like tequila is Gods way of lighting my fuse to do something awesome
She's more of a "I'm gonna get herpes no matter how great her face looks like" pretty
You know when you blow me it's the softest, most amazing feeling ever. Like putting my dick in a silk bag filled with puppy ears.
I actually took a sword out of your hands. You were samurai slashing lemons to make chasers.
We're just Facebook friends. Use guy logic. I tapped your wife in high school, 20 years and 60 lbs ago, when she was hot and experimental. Why would I mess with that now? It would ruin the vivid memories of her that I keep in my spank bank.
I will find you...
If you ever insult pizza rolls again, I will dragon kick you in the throat
Mimosa dick, like his cousin Whiskey dick, is just as ineffective but a lot more fun to be around
You held an empty wine bottle to your head and declared yourself the "wine unicorn." For the rest of the night you galloped everywhere and whenever anyone refused to be a wine unicorn with you, you tried to spear them with the bottle.
Is it against health code to come into work half drunk and commando?
There was nowhere else for me to go. I'm like the island of misfit toys but I'm hot.
I don't know how it started but we all ended up shirtless andI was covered in crawfish and wearing a sombrero.
He was all “please don’t bail because I’m missing work for this” last night
Honey no, I need dick. I’m not going to bail
I managed to convince her that the egg yolks were actually orange juice and she fell for it
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