So I'm eating my burger minding my own business, when the guy next to me starts up a conversation. Seemed normal at first, stocks, bonds, etc...then he said...and I quote "I can push a bowling-ball up a flight of stairs with my tongue." As I awkwardly laughed he broke out "I bet you I could bite the head off of a rabbit."
found a new level of pathetic. i watched a guy pick out cigarette butts from a jar that weren't completely finished. make sure you go somewhere in life.
Apparently they want to see what I've been working on for the last three months. Can I just hand them a bunch of empty fifths?
hey bro how do you do that fake vagina thing with the tp roll? im bored.
we thought you were sober enough for a movie but you took one look at emily blunt and screamed "aw this bitch?!" and passed out 30 seconds later
you kept saying 'can i put my penis on the grill?' and it was all i could do to stop you. you're welcome, though
Well, I just hope you know I had your best interests at heart when I put your sandwich down my pants.
You were sad because he was "taking it out on the plant"
I just won't go as hard tonight. Four dollar ladies night drink or drown is not a good idea for me. I like to get my money's worth.
Im pretty sure you told the waiter at Dennys last night to take your pants off or show a nipple.
One of the art pieces was basically this chick throwing raw meat at the audience, anyone who got hit (which I did) got a free shot of whiskey. It was worth it.
The horniest man in the world doesn't want sex as bad as I want pizza right now.
I'm trying to be celibate. I'm having me time. I'm eating cake.
She's officially a Tinder poltergeist.
Do you remember me asking for jerk off videos from Tinder guy?
Nah I don't remember that being part of the criteria
Randomize
