Dude.. I don’t care how hairy she is, you already left me at the bar, and now I have to find another fucking way home... NOW BE A MAN ABOUT IT!
Apparently the last thing they remember of me was me stumbing into a bathroom, then falling out 5 minutes later clutching a butter knife repeating "ketamine goes in my face hole"
i took my sailor hat off and used it as a vom bucket
I stopped in the middle of puking to wish you a happy birthday, so by default it means a lot.
he told her he was actually impressed that she had fucked more people in this house than the four dudes living in it.
The cop actually kicked the bitches out of the cab so we could get ours. I flipped them all off as the door was shutting. That drunk.
He walked in at 7am saying that the police had his shoes and phone because he's being investigated for attempted auto theft.
But seriously who drew a dick on a tortilla and nailed it to the door?
My VP dropped me off at the Strip Club in Houston. Just said "I was never here".
I had to hose off vomit off my driveway at 9 am.....so hot
I put on pants and a bra for you and you never showed up. There is no forgiveness for that.
I wrote a pretty good eulogy, too. Motherfucker pastor had no sense of comedic timing.
That was a beautiful concert to sleep through ...
I know - Don't let me take drugs from strangers anymore
dude, shes trippin so bad. idk what shes on, she just told me she doesnt remember her name then proceeded to get in the shower clothed to try to "rinse off the high"
jump out the window naked night went bad
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