She is sleeping in a dress because she's too drunk to put "real clothes" on
you kept naming everything at the party...like "boy i'm going to make out with" and "table i'm going to dance on later"
i was trying to find the best way to say come over and have sex, without saying it.
I got an 8 ball and a free entrance pass to the strip club, if i dont get laid tonight I never will.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He was carrying a rolled up carpet saying he was saving it for tomorrow's Walk of Fame.
As you were leaving the bar you grabbed a table and when they stopped you, you said "Its cool i came in with this". They did not believe you.
mid blow job she looked up and said "we aren't even facebook friends!"
Found your pants. They were stuffed in the tank of the toilet.
2 more and I will have fucked 75 percent of my acting class. best. elective. ever.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
On that note if you see a hobo smiling with a pack of cigarettes and an AMP energy drink, that was my good deed for the day
Dude, you were dipping oreos in vodka and asking people to try it, "It's so good!"
Dude it's huge. I don't usually like looking at those things, but you're kind of forced to stare that horse in the face.
Dude it's sisterhood of the traveling wine glasses here
Hun, it's always cinco de Drinko in our family. It's like Groundhog Day. Only with more booze.
I have no inclination to even want to think about what God's existential meltdown is going to be like. O.o
One day when i undoubtedly need an intervention please let it include lightsabers.
I think I can handle that.
Randomize