Eww. Jon Gosselin got both his ears pierced.
He looks like a bad one night stand.
Manager just farted into the intercom. Whole place heard it. A number of people stopped everything and looked at him. Best. Night. Ever.
He called me "the Joe Montana of blowies." Not sure if that is an accomplishment or an insult, but going off of the amount of condensation on the windows of my car, I'm gonna just do a little touchdown dance and pass out.
All I remember is drinking vodka out of tupperware.
either my laughing turned him on, or he wanted to shut me up. either way, i dont care. it was amazing.
wait a second... your telling me you want me to take you to the bank at 10 on a tuesday so you can buy a blow up pool and fill it with beer?
yes... and buy you lunch
Lesson learned. Whipped cream will eat through a condom.
But I feel like studying my flashcards during a blowjob would be rude...
i dont trust my judgment anymore so im only going to fuck guys who can donate blood at the red cross. they have standards.
I may or may not have just ruined a marriage. But in my defense I got all my drinks for free tonight.
no body wants to do anything today cause it's too cold, but a guy can only masturbate so many times a day. Ya know
Man i fell asleep on a random persons porch on the way home and woke up to the family banging on the windows trying to wake me up
Went as "Party on, Wayne." And left as, "Partied out Wayne in a foot boot with new medical bills." Fuck Halloween...and vodka.
Fuck. What bets did I make about "yeah when the Cubs win the World Series" that I gotta reneg on????
I JUST WANT TO SIT IN MY UNDERWEAR AND WATCH THE BRAVES GAME AND NOT BE CONSTRAINED BY MY ED SHEERAN SHORTS
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