I think I'm going to go home and read The Bible.
Someone tried to flush pizza down the toilet. Well, at least tried to
And there might be a gallon of sangria without the lid on the floor in your room. Just be careful when you open the door.
I thought your voice was coming from the walls. I've never been so relieved to find you naked in a closet
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We need to get her a baby shower present. And no, a blow up sex doll with her dead boyfriends picture stuck to it, is not appropriate.
I've been at work 30 min broke a paper towel holder a chair set a box on fire and fell down twice. Hungover Brian just reached a new level
I'd have paid money to see Cookie Monster playing with a vibrator
Me and a 30 year old man are sitting in my bathtub in swimsuits drinking straight rum from the bottle. Don't tell me how fucked up your Christmas is.
Went to night shots with Kayla... she punched this guy and I got his friends number. Not sure if she's the best or worst wingman ever.
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Woke up to the frozen soundtrack blasting in the living room best one night stand ever
yes, i'm a douce. but i'm a high quality douche.
I wish I may, I wish I might, get some daddy dick tonight
Quit giving me a hard time, whens the last time you got head every night? Cougars are where its at they dont play games
I don't care how many things you caught on fire, it's still not as bad as doing coke and then filming yourself having sex.
I went next door to get a can opener from them. They opened the door shirtless, asked me if I wanted to a smoke a joint with them. Then decided to make blueberry smoothies. But the yogurt in the blender & the berries, got confused when the berries blended into the yogurt and just kept adding more. Only stopped when we ran out of berries.
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