went in for an STD check and they referred me to an alcohol and drug councilor. kick me when i'm down.
He had a number 3 tattooed on his penis. And when I asked what it meant, he said " you know like dale earnhardt, the intimidator".
Too late. I'm going over there. I'm a bad example for all women: Do as I say, not who I do.
Shame should no longer be a word in your vocabulary.
If I were there, I'd be putting a martini in you, via funnel if need be, and you would be doing this thing.
He had to carry me to the car. But then sat with me and waited for me to sober up enough to have sex. He's a keeper.
First thought today, I need a ventriloquist dummy that looks like me. This week's project has been determined.
they need to invent a card that reads "thanks for all those boners you gave me that you did NOTHING about"
At least you get to smell pizza at your job. I just smell despair all day long.
All I remember from the concert was leaving in an RV full of middle aged people playing circle of death
Next time you see his dad you should let him know you are now Eskimo brothers.
The trash can in my living room is full of Popsicle sticks and my vibrator has taken up permanent residence on my coffee table. I'm not doing anything productive. Clearly.
I don't know if should be sitting on a toilet or kneeling in front of it
You had 10 drinks. On a first date.
I just masterbated then started bawling.
My fridge door just caught on fire somehow.
Who brings a stripper home to ninja turtle bed sheets
Me and I got head
Randomize
