Apparently when he woke up I was tripping my face off. Everytime the cat meowed I would meow back. This went on for several hours.
Jake just asked if thanksgiving was an american thing...I left the table
that's the nicest way anyone's ever asked me to send them naked pics before...
I woke up this morning to my phone notebook open and written was "reasons why I'm a whore in chronological order" then it listed everybody I've had sex with in the past five months.
He didn't seem too mad about the puke on the side of his car. You still have a chance.
If she wants to think that freshman 15 means sleeping with 15 guys than so be it I just gotta make sure I'm one of them.
You know why nobody comes up with Sober October? Other than it's Oktoberfest? Because Sober October doesn't benefit anyone, just like your judgment isn't benefiting me. I'll talk to you in November. Unless you make up another alcoholless month.
someone to text and fuck? since when does that constitute a relationship?
since 2006
Don't linger or you will get sucked into spending the night. Remember the mission mantra: GET OFF
I need to make a new year's resolution to only pee in toilets. And it needs to start happening before the new year.
there's still three solo cups of your puke in my basement. so that needs to be solved at some point.
So question, would you consider it morally wrong to grind up Cialas and put it in ones cocktail? Then I get what I want and he doesn't have to be embarrassed and he can win the mental game with himself? I'm only thinking of him...
wow thanks for pushing me towards an older man
you gotta start somewhere if you're going to be a trophy wife
If you end up wanting to sit on his face, just make a sound like a dying giraffe and I'll make myself scarce.
I brought an already opened bag of trail mix from home to snack on today. Some motherfucker ate all the m&ms out of it. I hate my roommates
Randomize
