Moving to Utah. Got sick of alcohol and have a severe wife shortage.
my dad just secretly slid me a nugg in front of my mom. remind me why I moved away for college??
i think i have two assholes
i just saw a woman using her birth control packet as a wallet.
btw, i had a dream i drank 260-proof vodka last night. thank god that doesn't exist in real life.
His apartment number was 69. I had to.
cliffnotes. writing studyguide on last pack of smokes. glad this semester is over.
Going to get a "plan B"urrito
It was smashing those cupcakes into my face that did it. Junk food and I don't mix.
He's more than prepared to help us move. Dude brought sunscreen, cans of Coke, and Captain Morgan.
You will never be paid again to get drunk and tell off cops without being arrested. Once in a lifetime opportunity
You're right. Fuck my job. I'm in.
Pagan metal show. There is a folk dance happening in the mosh pit. Also, I have no idea where we are.
Egg rolls and cum. Not my worst snack.
Have you ever wanted to murder the Sun? To bring the life-giving fusion reactor to a bitter end because of the sheer agony it brings to your eyes as it keeps you awake. And for waking the birds. Fuck birds.
Been there. Done that. Still have his t-shirt.
Randomize
