i think i have reached a jessica simpson level of regret
You can't special order awesome
Just checked my missed calls... why did you call me 37 times from 2:14 to 3:58?
i'm at the gym and so are four guys who have seen my tits. i need winter break.
MTV running anti-sexting commercials is a slap in the face to everything our generation has accomplished.
id like to know how you successfully locked me in your backseat last night
kinda considering buying a life alert for sophmore year
It's like eating cereal and milk but instead of cereal it's gummy bears and instead of milk it's vodka.
He can only pee with the faucet running. It's like I'm dating a fucking toddler.
If I don't get my shit together, I'm going to be one of those really fucked up cases on 1000 ways to die
I should not be this drunk in a place where a girl is wearing a princess dress
my life is turning into trapped in the closet at way too fast a speed for me to feel comfortable.
she stuffed her marc jacobs purse full of cereal
classy
What the fuck dude? Now it's a "who is this?" convo going back and forth. Like... helllloooo you just sent me a picture of your penis! I'm entitled to ask who the fuck it is. I can't verify an identity by a body part.
I’m mid 4sum and you’re sending me photos of your cat. We had very different evenings.
Randomize
