i just walked with a girl who was carrying a chair down the street. apparently she got mad at the bartender and took the bar stool when she left.
my last 3 google searches were anal itchy vagina and ice cubes
I just applied for an unsubsidized loan naked. I love the internet.
even after i explained my bobby knight costume the bartender still kicked me out for throwing the chair
he ran me a hot bath. i thought i was in a pot and was going to be eaten. i was strangely ok with this
the trail of clothing leading from the bed to the door was in the exact order i needed to put them on. underwear near the bed shoes by the door.
This whole situation could've been avoided if you would've just let me open the beer
No, you don't understand. If the words "stop," "alcohol poisoning," and "regret" aren't in the same sentence by the end of the night, I will have failed this birthday.
Its the least I can do really, I mean, I did sleep with her husband...
They put paint on their hands and tried to see how many times they could touch me before I woke up.
Judging by this purple one they got to second base.
They kept barging in on us saying random shit. At one point they came in yelling room service! and threw soda at us bruising my foot. Weirdest injury I have gotten during sex.
Come over. I've made 2 dinners and so many cocktails. I'm a 50's housewife with no family.
My condom drawer is now filled with W-2s and tax return documents. Is this adulting?
He was 6'8" - I shit you not! He sat up in my bed and the ceiling fan got him right in the forehead.
Took the ex out to the bar, then left with her and her best friend....and you said this was a bad thing.
Randomize
