what's for breakfast?
Advil and throwup
so i was dancing to the glee soundtrack with highheels. i tripped. and the dildo fell on my face. i dont know what happened.
I just did the nutritional comparison between 2% milk and Bud Light Lime.. the beer had less calories, less carbs, and less fat. It's not looking good for milk in my life anymore
I heard from anne today. She has a broken collarbone and is knocked up. Apparently florida is awesome
Woke up to the first three complete chapters of my new novel titled "If My Dick Could Talk" waiting for me on my laptop
You missed lesbians having sex in the bathroom and the whole bar clapping for them. I had to do recon. It was amazing
Although I am concerned about who made the decision to let you loose in a bridal show I am proud to see you in a sombero again.
We'll talk about this tommorrow when I'm not mistaking my fingers for French fries....
Most drunken moment of the night is me pouring Chanel no. 5 all over your boobs and rubbing it in...
So changing channels while she's on top is frowned upon. It's back to thinking about baseball again.
Well I'm glad your Saturday night went a lot better than mine. I spent mine crying in a McDonald's parking lot.
got a free grilled cheese. Didn't even have to talk about Jesus
Dude, exfoliate your balls. you'll thank me later.
I only have sex with you to have a memory to masturbate to.
Sorry I missed your call earlier. I was getting high with my high school band teacher.
Randomize
