All these guys look like the American Apparel version of Jesus...
Dude, you just left me a 3 minute voicemail of pop rocks in your mouth. Im sitting right next you
It's an Italian thing I guess, grew up on that shit.
I'm Irish, we don't eat cow guts unless they're blended into a fine whiskey
I am so horny I keep driving over the rumble strips... best half hour ever.
We pay for beer, you give birth. It's how the world works.
I just experienced a full blown christian wedding. I am SO GLAD YOUR WEDDING WASNT THIS.
You seemed more interested in the queso dip than you were in the hand job
Does he not understand that naked slip and slide needs supervision after dark?!
I decided staying home, watching porn and masterbating was a much better choice than the gym. And I was right.
It was a fight. Me vs nature and drunkenness. And nature won. Big time.
I woke up with what appeared to be LSD in my pocket. Know anything about this?
Welcome to your 30’s, where every one night stand is most likely with someone’s father
Btw, you owe me. One (1) orgasm.
u better not lose ur virginity to a sugar daddy who doesn’t post a pic of himself to tinder
Apparently during my blackout I walked over to Troy, grabbed my crotch, and said “Eat Fresh” while his GF was with him. FML
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