he thought i was passed out so he proceeded to jerk off while i lay on the floor next to him
you dont remember trying to break dance in the middle of the casino floor on ur own throw up?
oh that explains alot.
u ever jackoff with ur legs spread and pretend ur fuckin urself as a girl and get mad u'll never know what that feels like. Or to fly like a bird?
Did u absorb a fraternal twin in the womb?
Why is your vibrator in the fridge?
I'm testing sex in Alaska before I go there.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Do you think he woke up this morning, looked at you, and then regretted everything?
You should be proud. How many people can say they GAVE a stripper an std?
no dude I'm not doing anything bad to her...remember she's always the DD she has blackmail material on literally all of us
Definitely got a blow job in Charles Schwab's bed last night.
I love my job.
We bought only tequila and Twister. And you're STILL surprised you got pregnant?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
This is a whole new generation of premature ejaculators
My boss followed me on Twitter. Excuse me while I delete 90% of my tweets
Please tell me that all of the things I remember doing last night didn't really happen. Please.
I know I'm going to throw up tonight it's just a matter of when and where
I need to get all the one night tinders in my system before I move back in with my parents
Hey can you explain why there's a dissected coconut in my purse????
Randomize