my being single is dangerous.
I bought a zebra print bikini, I'm gonna be honest here- if he doesn't want to have sex with me in this, he's gay.
You going to have to be more specific than the night we blew an 8ball off the toilet..
and you will have a crown and it will be made of penises and all will bow before you and your glorious penis crown
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
So not only did you shoot down my invitation and prob walked past my house but now ur excluding me from a wet t shirt contest which btw i totally would have won
She stopped mid hookup to ask me if we'd be done before Taco Bell closed.
my mom found me passed out in the kitchen floor with the Brita pitcher.. Happy Mothers Day
No. I heard a cover of "my heart will go on". This is not sanity.
You decided that walking wasn't in the cards for you anymore
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Join us. We're on the roof drinking breakfast
I just made cupcakes.... Vodka icing. Results in the morning.
why does CNN give a flying $@*# about the royal baby so, so much?
i hope they name him Joffrey
You give an incredible blow job. I wanted to make sure you know it was appreciated
Honestly cannot tell if I’m magical or really, really high.
We damn well better have a snow day tomorrow. We just broke out the rum.
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