i messed up with two guys last night...one i pranked and left the phone on..the other one i went crazy on trying to be his girlfriend after four jagermeister shots...
i don't know whats more disturbing, that his dog drooled directly into my mouth or that i was too drunk and tired to do anything except let it be there.
he saw my boobs and came all over himself... there goes my whole night.
I Think it is all interconnected. Emma caused most of the nakedness
you wore rainboots all night because you said the forecast called for wine spillage
The whiskey is fighting the tequila on who wants to be the one who end my night first.
Nope, I'm sticking to passive aggressive punishments. Like mismatching his socks and cumming on his leather couch. OCD is so wonderful.
telling her she was ovary-acting wasn't the greatest idea. doing it in a text so she could see your spelling was where you really went wrong, though.
We've started traveling with Michael and Patrick so we can pretend we're two legit straight couples.
A charade that fell apart the second another couple on the cruse found Sarah face down in my box on an observation deck.
Someone sharpied "COCK HUNGRY" on my butt cheeks last night. When the fuck did I have my ass out?
Would it be wrong to text my ex and say "congratulations on the new baby that you had with a stripper"?
now to finish some work and then i think i'll work out. or garden. or at the very least I'll continue eating frozen grapes and take more drugs
I just read my D.A.R.E. essay from 5th grade. I'm having mixed feelings about my previous life choices right now.
I'll give you some leg action but I'm not showing you anything else until your penis admits it loves me
I could be doing way worse things besides texting him 'come over and bang my headache away'. i could be on meth
Randomize
