I haven't seen Daniella all day...are you sure she was safe going home with that guy?
oh don't worry! i asked him if he was a rapist. he said no
I walked out of the bathroom and both of you girls were giving the gay guy head. I was like, "laaaterrr."
Yeah. He most definitely jizzed himself in the face.
How was dinner with ur grandparents?
I was really blazed and scared they'd catch me, so when they asked about my day I was concentrating really hard on not saying smoking that instead I honestly said "Well, I had sex on your pool table, Nana."
and yes, the jail cell in Citi Field does have a big Mets symbol in it
I just sneezed cum. He better have a damn good day at work.
Tell your boyfriend I'm sorry for ruining his vein. I'm never drawing blood drunk again.
I'm glad I have good healthy relationships with my one night stands
When we started taking double shots of vodka and chasing it with a lick of fruit roll-ups, I knew there'd be hell to pay in the morning.
She counted 5,6,7,8 then intentionally kneed herself in the eye numerous times.
I just saw the Mona Lisa in the background of a porno. Whole new appreciation for art. fuck you I'm cultured.
oh come on since when have relationships been boundary lines for us
fair point
I just gagged from thinking about the amount of tequila we will be drinking. DRUNK TUESDAYS
Why is there a cash register on top of my car?
We are horrible
Yeah but we're also awesome
Randomize
