He had some BAD nuttage
Nuttage?
It's like cleavage......... but different
it wasn't sex, it was awkward naked time.
I was giving him head and when I deep throated him he screamed out "Ohh, top ten!"
I think the best part was when you jumped over me naked.
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I'm soaked in champagne. I'm eating oatmeal from mcdonalds tonight was glorious
After the Patriots lost I punched him in the face. But I still feel like that isn't a good reason to dump me.
Drunk naked twister. My place. Heath is trying to use his dick as a third leg.
We tried to play tennis but after about 15 minutes we gave up and fucked against the fence. Woulda been a cute third date so of course I had to ruin it.
I used his number to look up his customer information at work. He's no longer saved as Magic Penis in my phone.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I don't know why I do this to myself his dick is a constant source of disappointment.
You don't marry someone you don't want to fuck senseless this is 2014 dammit
Sigh. I'll find the right guy one day.
Prince charming is right around the corner and will be freaky as shit!
Dude, he paid us overtime to smoke weed out of a bong at his house
I just got to my parents hungover as hell. My dad could tell and said "theres only one cure for a hangover" and handed me a beer. This morning went from a 0 to 10 in an instant.
You yelled at me about a fork.
You probably deserved it, I'm very territorial about my cutlery.
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